been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
