Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I seem to have left my pride at pride
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
