My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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