She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
