K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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