you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize