my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
