I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
