sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
