I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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