I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
