is your mom at the bar?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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