She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
whose parrot is this?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
