Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
