I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
