my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
