It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
