Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
