Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
