Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
