I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
