I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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