o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Farmville is her only friend.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
