We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
