Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
