you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
