homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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