i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They took my balls.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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