I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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