fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize