You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
