I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
