ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
