We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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