8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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