the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
