You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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