Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize