if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You can't motorboat a personality
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
