Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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