If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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