shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
