I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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