So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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