i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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