Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
