Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
