He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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