I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
