lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
