I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
