Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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