the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
