it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
