ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
