I'm really into asian looking animals
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm like, not good at living.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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