What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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