I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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