After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
zippers are such a cool invention
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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