Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
