If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
