I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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