I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
