Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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