Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
