there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
