Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
